Not to be trite or uber-spiritual, but this has been one of those weeks where I’ve realized that when you give God the rights to run your life, that means that He can put things in your path. Unexpected things. Hard things. What-am-I-supposed-to-do-with-this? things. But this is what God has given me, the cross I’m daily to bear for the next few weeks. Deep breath…. So be it.
The one blessing I’ve already seen from these new developments is a renewed drive to pray, and pray hard. God is showing me both my need to talk with Him and what to pray for: that I will recognize His voice. Through all the noise of my own mind, dreams, plans and ideas (combined with the counsel of people I love), I pray that the voice of my Father will be loudest and clearest. That this sheep would recognize the voice of the Good Shepherd and follow.
I had about 30 minutes of free time during lunch today at class, so I excused myself into the sanctuary (we take class at our church), sat myself at the piano, and prayed my heart out, sometimes singing, sometimes praying. Eventually, I found myself praying this prayer:
“God, I don’t need to mature so I can do more; help me strip off that mentality. Lord, I need to mature so that I can see that I don’t do anything.”
God will not empower me, lead me, make me more like Christ so I have the strength to do more things. He empowers, leads, sanctifies so we can see things from His perspective: He alone is the One who moves. I am just a vessel. As I face these next few weeks (which I realize only seem SO big because I’m right in the middle of the storm), as I continually try to plant myself at the feet of my beloved Savior, I want to remember this truth the Spirit gave me: Maturity is seeing things God’s way.